I can readily admit this: The past few weeks have boarded on the line of pure chaos. While getting caught up in all that I forgot the one person and one area of my life.
With all of the goings on, getting no sleep, stressing about bills and family, taking care of 4 people, and dealing with unknown diagnoses has stretch my will and and strength to its' breaking point. I feel like if I am pulled any thinner I will break.
The past few weeks I have struggled with my faith, understanding, strength. I have doubted myself, my capabilities, my strength, and my will. I have lost sight of them completely.
These past couple of days especially have tested me. I am tired, worn out, stressed out, run down, and taking care of two sick kids and Jon. Last night I ended up sobbing like a child, shutting down, and ended up having an all out meltdown.
I went to put my laundry away and came across a little plaque given to me by dad. On it were the words "IF ALL ELSE FAILS, CALL DAD." That is precisely what I did. Gave me things to think about and I want to share them. They are Matthew 11:28 and Psalms 46.
Psalm 46
- God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
- Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
- Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.
- There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.
- God is in the amidst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.
- The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted.
- The aLord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.
- Come, behold the works of the Lord, what desolations he hath made in the earth.
- He maketh awars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.
- 10 Be astill, and bknow that I am God: I will be cexalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
- The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.
Matthew 11:28
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden , and I will give you rest . Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
After reading those I realized something. Whenever my faith is failing me or I am losing hope, HE is there. Through every doubt I have and every trial when I think he isn't listening, those are the times he says. .look around you and be thankful. You may not see me all of the time, but I am there.
So I leave you with this saying, and this amazing song that I love.
"Let go and let God"
and
"I Pray" by Lonestar
I can't quote the Bible
I skipped Sunday school
And I can't count the times I fell and broken the golden rule
So I don't know if He listens
Sometimes I wonder if He cares
Maybe I'm just wishin'
'Cause I can't even prove he's there
But I pray
He'll watch over my childern
I pray
Just to be a better man
To find the strength to rise above
To be there for the ones I love
To forgive and be forgiven some sweet day
I pray
Now I confess I don't bow my head as often as I should
Mostly just when times are bad, rarely when they're good
And I don't hold with too much preachin'
But I was raised up to believe
That a man can't ever stand as tall
As when he gets down on his knees
So I pray
He'll watch over my childern
I pray
Just to be a better man
To find the strength to rise above
To be there for the ones I love
To forgive and be forgiven some sweet day
I pray
So I pray
For a world that's gone half crazy
I pray
For every woman child and man
To find the strength to rise above
To teach each other how to love
To forgive and be forgiven some sweet day
I pray
I pray
Until next time my loveys
B
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Living In Fast Forward
They say a picture is worth a thousand words and I can sum up my past few days with one.
Jon saw the neurologist and an orthopedics specialist last week. The neurologist ended up giving him a headache preventative called propranolol. The rest of that appointment I am shaky on because they had me leave the room and he can't remember what she told him after I left which was what I was hoping to prevent while being in there.
Next was his ortho appointment for his back, knees, and feet. They took x-rays of all three and his bones look great. They are sound and show no signs of any injury. So, that doctor is pretty sure he has an arthritis problem in those particular joints and just a mass of inflammation in the muscles and tendons. For the inflammation they gave him Mobic and for the pain they gave him Tramadol.
He starts physical therapy at WRAMC this upcoming Monday. He has to be there by 0830. Next week he also has a sleep study being done up at AAFB.
The Zoloft and Prazosin seem to be really working although I think one of his new medications are counteracting the Prazosin. He has been extremely combative in his sleep this past week. Two days ago
We have also started using a color system in the house to identify and voice emotions. For example, if I get upset, angry, irritated, etc. . .all I would have to say is "I am going to red, please go some where for a few minutes and let me get a hold on it" or say if I notice him getting agitated or a little too forceful with the boys I can say "Orange, go take a break and calm down". .
Jon responds to the color system really well. We had a safe word there for a bit but he would usually just stare at me like I was stupid when I would use it to get him to back off or to take time to myself.
Thanks to the NMC nurse, his caseworker, and the CDC, I have actually been getting some help too! Someone donated a grant to us so now the boys are in daycare three days a week plus all appointments we may have. Caleb is thriving in that environment. They lady they stay with runs the daycare out of her home and has two kids their age. They both love it.
Let's see. I took Andrew to the doctor day before yesterday for a little infection in both ears and a HUGE blood blister on his gums. I had never seen something like that before so I just wanted to make sure. They say it should burst on its own and that molar should poke through on its own. He is 28 pounds and 31 inches tall.
I feel like I am floundering here, like I am failing miserably at keeping my family grounded. Between making sure the three of them have everything they need and keeping all of us on track and schedule, I rarely have time to remember that I am here.
I keep hoping that things will level out and calm down but it seems for now that I am stuck in this state of living in fast forward. I rarely have time to breathe let alone eat or sleep. I am stuck between complete exhaustion and frenzied activity.
The bright spot in this mess of crazy has always been and will always be my boys. It is so hard to have a bad day when every time they smile at me my heart melts. Let me share one such moment,a moment that reminds me that no matter how crazy things get or how tired or sick or disheartened I may become. . I always have two smiling faces and two sets of arms that make it all better. I know that no matter what happens in my life or has happened in the past. . I must have done something right to be blessed with these two amazing little people.
Through every harrowing, nerve wracking, patience trying step of this crazy journey, I have always had the amazing support of some of the best women on this planet. They have been my strong hold, my cheerleaders, my listening ear, my open arms, they have always been my family. I would be totally wacko if not for these amazing people.
As a parting thought, I leave you with this. A long time ago my dad brought me a poem home to hang on my wall and I have leaned on it a lot these past days. It is called Don't Quit. So when you get down and you don't know if you have the strength to keep going one second longer, I give to you the same words I was given. .
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and its turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit!
Always remember this. When you get down and things get hard and rough in your life, there is always someone out there who has it so much worse.
Until next time my lovies.
B
Jon saw the neurologist and an orthopedics specialist last week. The neurologist ended up giving him a headache preventative called propranolol. The rest of that appointment I am shaky on because they had me leave the room and he can't remember what she told him after I left which was what I was hoping to prevent while being in there.
Next was his ortho appointment for his back, knees, and feet. They took x-rays of all three and his bones look great. They are sound and show no signs of any injury. So, that doctor is pretty sure he has an arthritis problem in those particular joints and just a mass of inflammation in the muscles and tendons. For the inflammation they gave him Mobic and for the pain they gave him Tramadol.
He starts physical therapy at WRAMC this upcoming Monday. He has to be there by 0830. Next week he also has a sleep study being done up at AAFB.
The Zoloft and Prazosin seem to be really working although I think one of his new medications are counteracting the Prazosin. He has been extremely combative in his sleep this past week. Two days ago
We have also started using a color system in the house to identify and voice emotions. For example, if I get upset, angry, irritated, etc. . .all I would have to say is "I am going to red, please go some where for a few minutes and let me get a hold on it" or say if I notice him getting agitated or a little too forceful with the boys I can say "Orange, go take a break and calm down". .
Jon responds to the color system really well. We had a safe word there for a bit but he would usually just stare at me like I was stupid when I would use it to get him to back off or to take time to myself.
Thanks to the NMC nurse, his caseworker, and the CDC, I have actually been getting some help too! Someone donated a grant to us so now the boys are in daycare three days a week plus all appointments we may have. Caleb is thriving in that environment. They lady they stay with runs the daycare out of her home and has two kids their age. They both love it.
Let's see. I took Andrew to the doctor day before yesterday for a little infection in both ears and a HUGE blood blister on his gums. I had never seen something like that before so I just wanted to make sure. They say it should burst on its own and that molar should poke through on its own. He is 28 pounds and 31 inches tall.
I feel like I am floundering here, like I am failing miserably at keeping my family grounded. Between making sure the three of them have everything they need and keeping all of us on track and schedule, I rarely have time to remember that I am here.
I keep hoping that things will level out and calm down but it seems for now that I am stuck in this state of living in fast forward. I rarely have time to breathe let alone eat or sleep. I am stuck between complete exhaustion and frenzied activity.
The bright spot in this mess of crazy has always been and will always be my boys. It is so hard to have a bad day when every time they smile at me my heart melts. Let me share one such moment,a moment that reminds me that no matter how crazy things get or how tired or sick or disheartened I may become. . I always have two smiling faces and two sets of arms that make it all better. I know that no matter what happens in my life or has happened in the past. . I must have done something right to be blessed with these two amazing little people.
Through every harrowing, nerve wracking, patience trying step of this crazy journey, I have always had the amazing support of some of the best women on this planet. They have been my strong hold, my cheerleaders, my listening ear, my open arms, they have always been my family. I would be totally wacko if not for these amazing people.
As a parting thought, I leave you with this. A long time ago my dad brought me a poem home to hang on my wall and I have leaned on it a lot these past days. It is called Don't Quit. So when you get down and you don't know if you have the strength to keep going one second longer, I give to you the same words I was given. .
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and its turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit!
Always remember this. When you get down and things get hard and rough in your life, there is always someone out there who has it so much worse.
Until next time my lovies.
B
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Two Weeks of Chaos. ..The Misadventures of Boys
Hello my lovelies. .miss me?
Well, the chaos that has taken over my days as of late has been going on for a little more than two weeks. So, let's start on June 17th and let me catch you up.
For the past couple of weeks, we have been waiting on TBI results to come in from Richmond. His doctors are fairly certain he has at least a mild traumatic brain injury, it would explain a lot of things.
While waiting on this, we are getting a lot of other things pegged and straightened out. Jon saw a ophthalmologist last week and has been giving glasses, they are sure that his eyes are playing a major role is his headaches. I have to agree. Been there, done that. Coming up he has a consult with an orthopedist to get his back and knees taken care of.
After those two appointments, he will see a neurologist and have a sleep study done. Those appointments are coming up this month. We will be traveling to Bethesda, Andrews Air Force Base, Walter Reed, and Dewitt for those.
He continues to see someone for his PTSD and is doing better this week than last. His medications are doing there job and we make more progress everyday it seems. We are at a impasse for now and continue to move one step forward and two steps back. He continues to fight this every day and refuses to let it consume him anymore. I have rarely ever been more proud.
Last week our little family started the FOCUS class and I am so excited! It has been great so far. What it does is help our family build the skills we need to get through this. This is a class that we all take. It is focusing on our problem solving skills, communication, and overall well-being of our family. We've already been to two classes. They are helping me teach Caleb to use colors to tell us how he is feeling and I am so excited about that. Caleb has always been great at letting mommy know what he wants or needs and if he doesn't feel good but he struggles expressing that to others.
Another exciting thing that has come our way is child care. The EECE and EFMP programs are providing daycare for the boys three times a week plus appointment dates. They have done spectacular with it so far. They love it and barely notice we are gone. I think I am the one who has had the most trouble with them being gone.
The boys continue to thrive and grow. Every day with them is an adventure and I thank God for them every single night. I absolutely adore my children and fall a little more in love with them every day. Now, let us get get into the other stuff. The picture stuff I have been able to document.
On June 22nd, we traveled to Bethesda with Caleb to see a pediatric cardiology specialist. The heart murmur he was born with was still easily detected so they wanted to have him evaluated. Talk about scary! He underwent a physical exam, an EKG, and a cardiac ultrasound. The doctor tells me that while it is still so easily detected, it seems to be benign. They see no need to restrict him from any activities but want him to re-evaluated in a few years because of the nature of the murmur. Fewer sights stops a mothers heart cold but I do believe seeing him hooked up to that machine was one of them.
The boys decided it would be fun to dismantle my kitchen while I went to the bathroom. I came out and found them like this. Cute right
Mr Andrew tried spaghetti for the first time the other night. This was the end result
Yes, you are seeing that right. While getting ready for our FOCUS class yesterday, the boys decided to go play in the dirty laundry. Them came out wearing my bra. Caleb had it tied to him and Andrew both.
As a parting thought for the day I leave you with this.
Everything has a purpose and a reason. We may not understand it at the time but in time it will come. I don't know about you guys but it seems like whenever my faith is running low or I am struggling a little bit harder than usual, that those are the times God smiles at me and lets me know. . I am here. . you just don't always see me.
Until next time
B
Well, the chaos that has taken over my days as of late has been going on for a little more than two weeks. So, let's start on June 17th and let me catch you up.
For the past couple of weeks, we have been waiting on TBI results to come in from Richmond. His doctors are fairly certain he has at least a mild traumatic brain injury, it would explain a lot of things.
While waiting on this, we are getting a lot of other things pegged and straightened out. Jon saw a ophthalmologist last week and has been giving glasses, they are sure that his eyes are playing a major role is his headaches. I have to agree. Been there, done that. Coming up he has a consult with an orthopedist to get his back and knees taken care of.
After those two appointments, he will see a neurologist and have a sleep study done. Those appointments are coming up this month. We will be traveling to Bethesda, Andrews Air Force Base, Walter Reed, and Dewitt for those.
He continues to see someone for his PTSD and is doing better this week than last. His medications are doing there job and we make more progress everyday it seems. We are at a impasse for now and continue to move one step forward and two steps back. He continues to fight this every day and refuses to let it consume him anymore. I have rarely ever been more proud.
Last week our little family started the FOCUS class and I am so excited! It has been great so far. What it does is help our family build the skills we need to get through this. This is a class that we all take. It is focusing on our problem solving skills, communication, and overall well-being of our family. We've already been to two classes. They are helping me teach Caleb to use colors to tell us how he is feeling and I am so excited about that. Caleb has always been great at letting mommy know what he wants or needs and if he doesn't feel good but he struggles expressing that to others.
Another exciting thing that has come our way is child care. The EECE and EFMP programs are providing daycare for the boys three times a week plus appointment dates. They have done spectacular with it so far. They love it and barely notice we are gone. I think I am the one who has had the most trouble with them being gone.
The boys continue to thrive and grow. Every day with them is an adventure and I thank God for them every single night. I absolutely adore my children and fall a little more in love with them every day. Now, let us get get into the other stuff. The picture stuff I have been able to document.
On June 22nd, we traveled to Bethesda with Caleb to see a pediatric cardiology specialist. The heart murmur he was born with was still easily detected so they wanted to have him evaluated. Talk about scary! He underwent a physical exam, an EKG, and a cardiac ultrasound. The doctor tells me that while it is still so easily detected, it seems to be benign. They see no need to restrict him from any activities but want him to re-evaluated in a few years because of the nature of the murmur. Fewer sights stops a mothers heart cold but I do believe seeing him hooked up to that machine was one of them.
The boys decided it would be fun to dismantle my kitchen while I went to the bathroom. I came out and found them like this. Cute right
Mr Andrew tried spaghetti for the first time the other night. This was the end result
Yes, you are seeing that right. While getting ready for our FOCUS class yesterday, the boys decided to go play in the dirty laundry. Them came out wearing my bra. Caleb had it tied to him and Andrew both.
As a parting thought for the day I leave you with this.
Everything has a purpose and a reason. We may not understand it at the time but in time it will come. I don't know about you guys but it seems like whenever my faith is running low or I am struggling a little bit harder than usual, that those are the times God smiles at me and lets me know. . I am here. . you just don't always see me.
Until next time
B
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Excuse Me!?!?!
Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to crawl back into bed, pull the covers over your head, and ignore reality until it rights itself again? OR scratch your head and wonder, what the heck did I do? I am sure you have. . I do too.
Yesterday was one such day, a by-product of the night before. After a midnight meltdown Monday night brought on by changed orders, I received a 2am martial arts lesson. That really should have been my first clue. Being victim to a sneak attack in the dead of night has a way of getting a person on the move.
Tuesday started in a mess of night terrors, complete exhaustion, and a relentless migraine. Jon went ahead and took the car to work in effort to give the boys and I a couple more hours of sleep, hoping it would improve our dispositions all around. HA!
The boys had been out of bed all of 10 minutes before they openly declared war on mommy. Caleb decided it would be fun to use Andrew as a trampoline, to which Andrew just shrieked shrilly and tried his level best to fight back. The end result was complete destruction of all cleaning and order I managed to give to the house.. . .A day in the life right?
Fast forward to breakfast. Most of it ended on the floor. Ehh whatever, they are little boys, messes pretty much come with the territory. The fun part of the day began shortly after I got them cleaned up from breakfast. After getting Caleb dressed and turning him loose and starting on Andrew, Caleb decided to hide all of mommy's clothes. You wouldn't think a three year old would hide stuff that well. You are so wrong. Not only did he hide the first set of clothes that I set out for myself to wear, but the second and third as well. Yep. By the time I got all of us ready to go and Jon got home, we were running behind.
We get Jon to the doctor where he has to sit for over an hour past his appointment time before they see him. Call me crazy but give someone an appointment if you aren't going to see them until an hour later? It wasn't in lieu of being packed or busy, there were one or two people there at most. His appointment was at 1330 but he wasn't seen until 1445.
Nothing was being accomplished by the boys and I just sitting there twiddling our thumbs while we waited so, we went to cross some errands off of the list. The post office was first. Upon the guy arguing with me for a good 10 minutes about spending 50 dollars to insure a box, I got it done and went back out to the car. The car was parked right outside of the door in clear view of the window I was at getting my package and cards in the mail.
In the time it took me to pay for my things, Caleb had unbuckled himself, thrown Andrew's shoes out of the window, his shoes out the window, tossed all of my CDs around the car, and was hanging out of the window shouting at the top of his lungs "MOMMY I DO IT MOMMY I DO IT!". .skill I tell you, this kid amazes me.
After this we head to the commissary where the icing on the cake of my day is made. I get both boys out of the car, Andrew is on my hip and Caleb is holding onto my hand as we walk. I drop his hand and let him walk on his own, he never goes far and stays within reaching distance of me at all times.
Scant seconds later this man comes barreling down the "isle" in the parking lot and plows into my three year old child and knocks him flat on his rear. I look at this man who is looking at me and my children with this look of utter horror and disgust on his face.
He dusts off his cammie blouse, straightens his chevrons (he was a warrant officer) and looks at me. For as long as I live I will never forget what happened next.
This man looks at my child who is trying to put his shoes back on, and then turns to me and says "Aren't you going to make him apologize to me?"
Now I know most of you reading this are reacting in a similar manner as I did. I looked at this man who is easily three or four times my size, and has a good 15 or 20 years on me, raise my eyebrows, and reply "Excuse me?"
He again repeats "Aren't you going to make him apologize?" I have come across my fair share of jerks at this base but none as pretentious and obnoxious as this man, who was standing in front of me demanding that I make my three year old child apologize to this man for being the one knocked over onto the wet ground.
My verbal filter is pretty much non-existent when I am tired, and my temper was already flared at the happenings of the day already. There is nothing that sets fire to my temper than pretentious jerks that think they are God's gift to the world because they happen to be officers. I have met some great men here, ones who insisted on helping a frazzled mother of two, on the flip side I have also come across those people you just want to reach out and smack.
For those of you who know me, and those of you who don't, I am sure you can only imagine what happened next. I helped Caleb to his feet and he hid behind my leg. I looked at this man who was demanding retribution for HIM tripping MY child and let go of the hold I had on my tongue. The conversation progressed as follows.
"Well sir, no I am not going to make him apologize."
"What?!"
"I said I am not going to make him apologize. Maybe next time you should take your head our of your rear and your nose out of your phone and pay attention to where you are going, maybe then YOU wouldn't be plowing over children not even a quarter of your size. If I make my child to anything it will be to kick you in the shin as we walk past."
This man then proceeds to roll his eyes like a teenage girl, mutters ugh, and then some vulgar comment about women and children in general and stomps off with the poor bag boy trailing after him.
The day just got better huh. We come home, Jon goes to work, and the boys and I settle in for the night. Jon and I finally get wound down to sleep around 4 in the morning after he gets home.
This morning we all hit the ground running. We went to Woodbridge to get copies of their last check up, then back to base to the CDC to enroll them at the center.
Part of the new family "game plan" with all of this PTSD and TBI business is that I need help too. Not because I am sick or anything but the case manager says that I have to accept I can only do so much at once. In addition to taking care of and raising two children a great deal on my own, I also run a household, comply with the demands his job makes on us, go to school, and take care of everything else, I also have to take care of and keep track of doctors appointments not only for myself and the boys but Jon as well.
So, in addition to taking care of Jon and making sure he has all he needs to get better, they have also given the boys and I tools to help us cope and learn how to help Jon as well. Happy dancing for us!
As a part of this, they have set the boys and I up for classes and groups and day care three times a week for a few hours as well as child care for doctors appointments and all groups as well. EEEEeeeeePPPPPsss!
We got them all signed up for daycare at the CDC today. All taken care of courtesy of the WWP and EEC which caters to and helps families of military personnel with PTSD and TBI's.
It is a huge relief to know this. Not only do I get a few hours a week to myself now, but I also get time to finish my schoolwork, concentrate on each child at their specific appointments, but I also get time to focus on one thing at a time! Happy Dancing over here!
Just goes to show that there is always an upside to every down and an answer to every prayer made even if it isn't the one you wanted.
In closing I leave you with my thought for the day.
Things happen for a reason and there is a reason and answer to everything even though we may not see it or notice at the time. Nothing is ever in vain. There is always a lesson to learn, something you may not have seen or accepted before. The trick to understanding and embracing it is to fully open your heart and mind to it. After all, some of Gods' greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.
Until next time!
B
Yesterday was one such day, a by-product of the night before. After a midnight meltdown Monday night brought on by changed orders, I received a 2am martial arts lesson. That really should have been my first clue. Being victim to a sneak attack in the dead of night has a way of getting a person on the move.
Tuesday started in a mess of night terrors, complete exhaustion, and a relentless migraine. Jon went ahead and took the car to work in effort to give the boys and I a couple more hours of sleep, hoping it would improve our dispositions all around. HA!
The boys had been out of bed all of 10 minutes before they openly declared war on mommy. Caleb decided it would be fun to use Andrew as a trampoline, to which Andrew just shrieked shrilly and tried his level best to fight back. The end result was complete destruction of all cleaning and order I managed to give to the house.. . .A day in the life right?
Fast forward to breakfast. Most of it ended on the floor. Ehh whatever, they are little boys, messes pretty much come with the territory. The fun part of the day began shortly after I got them cleaned up from breakfast. After getting Caleb dressed and turning him loose and starting on Andrew, Caleb decided to hide all of mommy's clothes. You wouldn't think a three year old would hide stuff that well. You are so wrong. Not only did he hide the first set of clothes that I set out for myself to wear, but the second and third as well. Yep. By the time I got all of us ready to go and Jon got home, we were running behind.
We get Jon to the doctor where he has to sit for over an hour past his appointment time before they see him. Call me crazy but give someone an appointment if you aren't going to see them until an hour later? It wasn't in lieu of being packed or busy, there were one or two people there at most. His appointment was at 1330 but he wasn't seen until 1445.
Nothing was being accomplished by the boys and I just sitting there twiddling our thumbs while we waited so, we went to cross some errands off of the list. The post office was first. Upon the guy arguing with me for a good 10 minutes about spending 50 dollars to insure a box, I got it done and went back out to the car. The car was parked right outside of the door in clear view of the window I was at getting my package and cards in the mail.
In the time it took me to pay for my things, Caleb had unbuckled himself, thrown Andrew's shoes out of the window, his shoes out the window, tossed all of my CDs around the car, and was hanging out of the window shouting at the top of his lungs "MOMMY I DO IT MOMMY I DO IT!". .skill I tell you, this kid amazes me.
After this we head to the commissary where the icing on the cake of my day is made. I get both boys out of the car, Andrew is on my hip and Caleb is holding onto my hand as we walk. I drop his hand and let him walk on his own, he never goes far and stays within reaching distance of me at all times.
Scant seconds later this man comes barreling down the "isle" in the parking lot and plows into my three year old child and knocks him flat on his rear. I look at this man who is looking at me and my children with this look of utter horror and disgust on his face.
He dusts off his cammie blouse, straightens his chevrons (he was a warrant officer) and looks at me. For as long as I live I will never forget what happened next.
This man looks at my child who is trying to put his shoes back on, and then turns to me and says "Aren't you going to make him apologize to me?"
Now I know most of you reading this are reacting in a similar manner as I did. I looked at this man who is easily three or four times my size, and has a good 15 or 20 years on me, raise my eyebrows, and reply "Excuse me?"
He again repeats "Aren't you going to make him apologize?" I have come across my fair share of jerks at this base but none as pretentious and obnoxious as this man, who was standing in front of me demanding that I make my three year old child apologize to this man for being the one knocked over onto the wet ground.
My verbal filter is pretty much non-existent when I am tired, and my temper was already flared at the happenings of the day already. There is nothing that sets fire to my temper than pretentious jerks that think they are God's gift to the world because they happen to be officers. I have met some great men here, ones who insisted on helping a frazzled mother of two, on the flip side I have also come across those people you just want to reach out and smack.
For those of you who know me, and those of you who don't, I am sure you can only imagine what happened next. I helped Caleb to his feet and he hid behind my leg. I looked at this man who was demanding retribution for HIM tripping MY child and let go of the hold I had on my tongue. The conversation progressed as follows.
"Well sir, no I am not going to make him apologize."
"What?!"
"I said I am not going to make him apologize. Maybe next time you should take your head our of your rear and your nose out of your phone and pay attention to where you are going, maybe then YOU wouldn't be plowing over children not even a quarter of your size. If I make my child to anything it will be to kick you in the shin as we walk past."
This man then proceeds to roll his eyes like a teenage girl, mutters ugh, and then some vulgar comment about women and children in general and stomps off with the poor bag boy trailing after him.
The day just got better huh. We come home, Jon goes to work, and the boys and I settle in for the night. Jon and I finally get wound down to sleep around 4 in the morning after he gets home.
This morning we all hit the ground running. We went to Woodbridge to get copies of their last check up, then back to base to the CDC to enroll them at the center.
Part of the new family "game plan" with all of this PTSD and TBI business is that I need help too. Not because I am sick or anything but the case manager says that I have to accept I can only do so much at once. In addition to taking care of and raising two children a great deal on my own, I also run a household, comply with the demands his job makes on us, go to school, and take care of everything else, I also have to take care of and keep track of doctors appointments not only for myself and the boys but Jon as well.
So, in addition to taking care of Jon and making sure he has all he needs to get better, they have also given the boys and I tools to help us cope and learn how to help Jon as well. Happy dancing for us!
As a part of this, they have set the boys and I up for classes and groups and day care three times a week for a few hours as well as child care for doctors appointments and all groups as well. EEEEeeeeePPPPPsss!
We got them all signed up for daycare at the CDC today. All taken care of courtesy of the WWP and EEC which caters to and helps families of military personnel with PTSD and TBI's.
It is a huge relief to know this. Not only do I get a few hours a week to myself now, but I also get time to finish my schoolwork, concentrate on each child at their specific appointments, but I also get time to focus on one thing at a time! Happy Dancing over here!
Just goes to show that there is always an upside to every down and an answer to every prayer made even if it isn't the one you wanted.
In closing I leave you with my thought for the day.
Things happen for a reason and there is a reason and answer to everything even though we may not see it or notice at the time. Nothing is ever in vain. There is always a lesson to learn, something you may not have seen or accepted before. The trick to understanding and embracing it is to fully open your heart and mind to it. After all, some of Gods' greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.
Until next time!
B
Monday, June 14, 2010
Just Another Day In Paradise. . Toddler/Baby UFC Match
Today started out as any other day in the house of P. .well almost. I was woken up around 10 this morning by a shrill shriek followed by a loud "MA MA MA MA MA MA MA".
At this I dart out of bed and make my way into into Andrew's room to find him sitting there in his crib grinning at me. Nice way to start the morning. I walk the 10 feet in between their rooms to get Caleb as he is now fully awake.
I bend over to pick him up and as he wraps his chubby little arms around my neck and says "Morning my mommy Beav. I lub you so much. Chew?". . .This sets the tune for most of our day. I take him into the bathroom to get his chew, which is his allergy medication, and he proceeds to pop it in his mouth and look at me with that full out grin that screams Jon and says "Mmmm Mommy that's good stuff!"
We go get Andrew and settle in for breakfast. They finish and get down to play and the fun really begins. After dumping both toy boxes, they play. About 15 minutes later while I am cleaning up the kitchen and switching some laundry I hear Caleb yelling.
I go into the livingroom /play room and can finally hear what he is saying. "LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT BRUDDER! LET ME OUT!"
For those of you who know my children, you know that when this occurs some one is usually trapped. I look around to the back door and here is what I see. .
Andrew has overturned the larger of the two toy boxes over on top of his brother and is banging on it cackling madly. Caleb, is underneath screaming for all he is worth. I went and got Andrew and freed Caleb who in turn gets Andrew back not even a full 10 minutes later. I hear a grand crashing from the area of the dining room and I turn to see this. . .
Caleb has overturned the kitchen table chairs on top of his brother who is yelling at the top of his lungs "BUH BUH BUH BUH" which is what he calls Caleb. NO crying or screaming instead my one year old child is shouting at his brother in what I like to think of as his "when I get out of here you are so gonna regret it" shout.
He finally frees himself and upon seeing this Caleb darts into the kitchen trying not so stealthily to hide behind the garbage can. I hear another crash while I an en route and walk straight into the war zone.
Andrew has since become enamored with yanking the mini blinds off of the wall. Caleb sneaks up on him and starts hip butting him with no success.
I finally take my little UFC fighters into the livingroom to finish up Shrek and have their lunches. Nap time was only minutes away. My phone rings and I answer it to talk to the lady who is helping me arrange child care for the boys. . .FOR FREE!. . .all the while they are eating and tossing fruit loops at each other. .their lunches forgotten. I had one boy on the couch while I changed and cleaned up the other and vice versa. I find my angelic little children grinning like monkeys at me.
From Andrew I get this face
From Caleb I get this one
Now please tell me who can get mad at those little faces?!
Finally I get to take them upstairs to nap! WOO HOO! My favorite time of day. I get to clean up the chaos that is the first 8 hours and get ready to do it all over. My life is imperfectly perfect.
Tomorrow is full of appointments, grocery shopping, paying bills, and running around like a chicken with my head cut off. .I would change it for all of the money in the world.
In parting, I ask that you all pray for a very special little girl who is just 9 days old and already facing a harsh illness. She is fighting every step of the way, and how could she not?! She is the product of one of this countries finest warriors and a very strong and awesome mommy. Keep Baby K and the rest of Team A in your prayers. Send all positive energy their way.
As a final thought, I leave you with the words to one of my favorite songs. As imperfect, and crazy as my days usually are, it is just another day in paradise. . my paradise.
he kids screaming, phone ringing
Dog barking at the mailman bringing
That stack of bills - overdue
Good morning baby, how are you?
Got a half hour, quick shower
Take a drink of milk but the milk's gone sour
My funny face makes you laugh
Twist the top on and I put it back
There goes the washing machine
Baby, don't kick it.
I promise I'll fix it
Long about a million other things
Well, it's ok. It's so nice
It's just another day in paradise
Well, there's no place that
I'd rather be
Well, it's two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord every night
For just another day in paradise
Friday, you're late
Guess we'll never make our dinner date
At the restaurant you start to cry
Baby, we'll just improvise
Well, plan B looks like
Dominoes' pizza in the candle light
Then we'll tippy toe to our room
Make a little love that's overdue
But somebody had a bad dream
Mama and daddy
Can me and my teddy
Come in to sleep in between?
Until next time my loves,
B
At this I dart out of bed and make my way into into Andrew's room to find him sitting there in his crib grinning at me. Nice way to start the morning. I walk the 10 feet in between their rooms to get Caleb as he is now fully awake.
I bend over to pick him up and as he wraps his chubby little arms around my neck and says "Morning my mommy Beav. I lub you so much. Chew?". . .This sets the tune for most of our day. I take him into the bathroom to get his chew, which is his allergy medication, and he proceeds to pop it in his mouth and look at me with that full out grin that screams Jon and says "Mmmm Mommy that's good stuff!"
We go get Andrew and settle in for breakfast. They finish and get down to play and the fun really begins. After dumping both toy boxes, they play. About 15 minutes later while I am cleaning up the kitchen and switching some laundry I hear Caleb yelling.
I go into the livingroom /play room and can finally hear what he is saying. "LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT BRUDDER! LET ME OUT!"
For those of you who know my children, you know that when this occurs some one is usually trapped. I look around to the back door and here is what I see. .
Andrew has overturned the larger of the two toy boxes over on top of his brother and is banging on it cackling madly. Caleb, is underneath screaming for all he is worth. I went and got Andrew and freed Caleb who in turn gets Andrew back not even a full 10 minutes later. I hear a grand crashing from the area of the dining room and I turn to see this. . .
Caleb has overturned the kitchen table chairs on top of his brother who is yelling at the top of his lungs "BUH BUH BUH BUH" which is what he calls Caleb. NO crying or screaming instead my one year old child is shouting at his brother in what I like to think of as his "when I get out of here you are so gonna regret it" shout.
He finally frees himself and upon seeing this Caleb darts into the kitchen trying not so stealthily to hide behind the garbage can. I hear another crash while I an en route and walk straight into the war zone.
Andrew has since become enamored with yanking the mini blinds off of the wall. Caleb sneaks up on him and starts hip butting him with no success.
I finally take my little UFC fighters into the livingroom to finish up Shrek and have their lunches. Nap time was only minutes away. My phone rings and I answer it to talk to the lady who is helping me arrange child care for the boys. . .FOR FREE!. . .all the while they are eating and tossing fruit loops at each other. .their lunches forgotten. I had one boy on the couch while I changed and cleaned up the other and vice versa. I find my angelic little children grinning like monkeys at me.
From Andrew I get this face
From Caleb I get this one
Now please tell me who can get mad at those little faces?!
Finally I get to take them upstairs to nap! WOO HOO! My favorite time of day. I get to clean up the chaos that is the first 8 hours and get ready to do it all over. My life is imperfectly perfect.
Tomorrow is full of appointments, grocery shopping, paying bills, and running around like a chicken with my head cut off. .I would change it for all of the money in the world.
In parting, I ask that you all pray for a very special little girl who is just 9 days old and already facing a harsh illness. She is fighting every step of the way, and how could she not?! She is the product of one of this countries finest warriors and a very strong and awesome mommy. Keep Baby K and the rest of Team A in your prayers. Send all positive energy their way.
As a final thought, I leave you with the words to one of my favorite songs. As imperfect, and crazy as my days usually are, it is just another day in paradise. . my paradise.
he kids screaming, phone ringing
Dog barking at the mailman bringing
That stack of bills - overdue
Good morning baby, how are you?
Got a half hour, quick shower
Take a drink of milk but the milk's gone sour
My funny face makes you laugh
Twist the top on and I put it back
There goes the washing machine
Baby, don't kick it.
I promise I'll fix it
Long about a million other things
Well, it's ok. It's so nice
It's just another day in paradise
Well, there's no place that
I'd rather be
Well, it's two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord every night
For just another day in paradise
Friday, you're late
Guess we'll never make our dinner date
At the restaurant you start to cry
Baby, we'll just improvise
Well, plan B looks like
Dominoes' pizza in the candle light
Then we'll tippy toe to our room
Make a little love that's overdue
But somebody had a bad dream
Mama and daddy
Can me and my teddy
Come in to sleep in between?
Until next time my loves,
B
Sunday, June 13, 2010
And So it Begins. .
Hello all and welcome to this crazy ride that I call my life!
I finally gave in and started a blog so my friends, family, extended relatives can check in on us any time you get the hankering to find out what is going on with Team P. Here you will find our life uncensored as told by me.
I have many names and answer to all. I am a Marine Corps wife of four years, a sister to two strong and willful people whom have guided and listened to a flustered girl for over two decades, a daughter to two parents who struggled day in and day out to find their way for us and for themselves, but most of all I am called mommy. Nothing compares to the beautiful eyes of my sons who gaze up at me each and every day and say I love you mommy.
More than my sisters, parents, husband, and extended family, there is our Marine Corps family. A constant stronghold of love and support and understanding. These amazing people have been there for me and all of us when I have needed to cry and scream and rant with a helping hand, an open ear, and a brand new box of Kleenex. They are my best friends, they are my sisters. These past four years I have never had to face anything this crazy journey has thrown at me alone.
Here you will see and hear what crazy shenanigans my boys are up to, along with updates and how we are coping with PTSD and a possible TBI. We will never be more than a click away and all you will have to do is type in our blog address and check it out.
Our lives as of late have only been a stones throw away from complete and total chaos. Between doctors appointments, birthdays, and a whole slew of other crazy things in our lives, we have been on the go from sun up to sun down.
So, let us start at the top of Team P and work our way down to the smallest P and catch up!
Jon. Where do we start? I have rarely ever been as proud of another person than I am of my husband. The past few weeks for him have been hard work compounded by even harder work and all for his family and his country. Watching him struggle the last few years has been heart breaking and humbling. He feels things so deeply and differently than most people I have come across. In the past three or four months we have begun the slow process of diagnosis and treatment for PTSD.
For those of you reading who don't understand what exactly PTSD is, I will try my best to explain it to you. PTSD is Post-traumatic Stress Disorder which by definition is a severe anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to any event that results in psychological trauma. This event may involve the threat of death to oneself or to someone else, or to one's own or someone else's physical, sexual, or psychological integrity, overwhelming the individual's ability to cope. As an effect of psychological trauma, PTSD is less frequent and more enduring than the more commonly seen acute stress response.
Diagnostic symptoms for PTSD include re-experiencing the original trauma through flashbacks or nightmares, avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma, and increased arousal - such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, anger, and hyper vigilance. Formal diagnostic criteria require that the symptoms last more than one month and cause significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
Our journey with PTSD began shortly after his return home. It started out simply as odd occurrences of him sitting up in the bed in the middle of the night stating that there was someone coming down the street. Then as the days passed we started noticing more and more manifestations that we didn't understand. He started having issues with things startling him into relapses of times when he was overseas.
Things came to a culmination a couple of months ago and after some arguments and tears he agreed to see someone and get some answers. Here we are a few months down the road and things are getting better slowly but surely. The medications the doctors have given him are working absolute wonders. We have been almost two months without a nightmare or a wandering dream where he talks and paces the house at all hours of the night.
Along with the medicine, he also sees a therapist ("the wizard" as Jon calls him) once, and even twice a week sometimes. They have been incredibly helpful and at times brutally honest with him. He smiles a lot more these days and is continuing to grow as himself and as a daddy and husband. God has been smiling down on our little family.
As of now, his team of doctors, are having us explore the possibility of a TBI as well. A TBI, Traumatic Brain Injury,is by definition happens when an external force traumatically injures the brain. TBI can be classified based on severity, mechanism (closed or penetrating head injury), or other features (e.g. occurring in a specific location or over a widespread area). Head injury usually refers to TBI, but is a broader category because it can involve damage to structures other than the brain, such as the scalp and skull.
Through liaisons with both the Wounded Warrior Regiment and the Navy Marine Corps Relief, we are slowly piecing the diagnoses and treatment plans together one by one. We say one day at a time, one step at a time, and take it as it comes.
We are still exploring outlets and possibilities for our whole family when it comes to coping and helping him cope with what he has been through. We can unsee or undo anything he has been through, but we can try our best to help him cope.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ME! I know I know. .awful picture. . What can I say about myself? I hit the floor running each morning and I fall into bed at a sprint at night. Between doctors appointments, trying to get through a certification, chasing two small kids, trying to keep up with the demands and needs of my family, and keeping up with this crazy life we have chosen, I rarely have two seconds to rub together.
My new mantra these past few months has been this:
I am only one person. I can only do so much. I don't understand everything and there are days when it takes all I can manage to get us through the day. I am tired and I am angry and I only have two arms. I am tired of over extending myself to help people when no effort is put into it in... return. I don't have any time to spare at present so don't waste mine.
As my sister likes to tell all the time.. ."Sister you have to let go and let God.". . Truer words have never been spoken. You have to turn it over to God and pray to understand his plan for your lives.
Watching Jon suffer alone all these years has ripped out my heart. As a wife, or a sister, or a parent, or a friend you just want to take away the hurt and make it better. The kids and I are lucky to have an amazing group of friends and medical staff to help us through this crazy ride.
Last week, after our useless trip to the VA Center in Richmond, we met with a Navy and Marine Corps Relief nurse to plot our path and gather our resources. The first step to solving a problem is admitting there is one. We have done that, or I should say Jon has done that.
Through this amazing nurse that they sent to us, the kids and I have found multiple resources to teach us to help each other and Jon. With these resources and the help of our amazing friends, we are dealing and we ARE thriving.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caleb. My little Bubba! It seems like just yesterday when I was fighting to bring him into this world. Little did I know that three years later he would be teaching me things about the world and myself that I never knew existed. He is bright and funny, caring, and has one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen.
He came into the world on the first day of June three years ago. He was 8lbs 5ozs and 21 inches long. He was small and beautiful and one of the biggest miracles to ever grace my life.
12 days ago my little man turned three. I cannot believe how much he has grown. At his 3 year wellness check, he weighed 40 pounds and was 3 foot 2 inches tall. We are finally getting down to the root of his problems with his allergies. All in all, most of his allergies are outdoors so taking him outside a lot of times is nearly impossible because of the ridiculously high pollen counts.
In a few days we are making the trek to the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, MD to see a pediatric cardiology specialist and have his heart murmur re-evaluated. It is still so easily detected that they want to rule out anything threatening. It is still so hard to believe that he is 3!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Andrew. It hardly seems like a whole year has gone by already! It is almost like I blinked and he was walking and talking and having impromptu UFC matches with his brother. Every single day with both of these amazing little people in my life has been a complete and total blessing.
Four days ago I took Andrew to his 1 year well baby check up. My little monkey weighs 27 pounds and is 32 inches long. He learns and grows more and more every single day. He can identify each person in our little family as well as hi and bye.
He walks and toddles and opens and closes any and all drawers in our kitchen and pulls everything out. He is bright and fun and oh so happy all of the time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In parting I leave you with this thought. . .
They say that blood is thicker than water and that is a very true statement. But just because blood is thicker, doesn't mean that it alone is all it takes to make a family.
Families come in all shapes and sizes and from one side of the world or country to another. What truly makes you a family is the willingness of each member to go far and wide to help and support each other.
With the simplest of phone calls or quiet words, they come immediately with no questions asked every time a tear falls and hold you up when you want to fall. They aren't perfect or the same, but they are my family and we are so very lucky to have them.
As they say, until next time my loves
B
I finally gave in and started a blog so my friends, family, extended relatives can check in on us any time you get the hankering to find out what is going on with Team P. Here you will find our life uncensored as told by me.
I have many names and answer to all. I am a Marine Corps wife of four years, a sister to two strong and willful people whom have guided and listened to a flustered girl for over two decades, a daughter to two parents who struggled day in and day out to find their way for us and for themselves, but most of all I am called mommy. Nothing compares to the beautiful eyes of my sons who gaze up at me each and every day and say I love you mommy.
More than my sisters, parents, husband, and extended family, there is our Marine Corps family. A constant stronghold of love and support and understanding. These amazing people have been there for me and all of us when I have needed to cry and scream and rant with a helping hand, an open ear, and a brand new box of Kleenex. They are my best friends, they are my sisters. These past four years I have never had to face anything this crazy journey has thrown at me alone.
Here you will see and hear what crazy shenanigans my boys are up to, along with updates and how we are coping with PTSD and a possible TBI. We will never be more than a click away and all you will have to do is type in our blog address and check it out.
Our lives as of late have only been a stones throw away from complete and total chaos. Between doctors appointments, birthdays, and a whole slew of other crazy things in our lives, we have been on the go from sun up to sun down.
So, let us start at the top of Team P and work our way down to the smallest P and catch up!
Jon. Where do we start? I have rarely ever been as proud of another person than I am of my husband. The past few weeks for him have been hard work compounded by even harder work and all for his family and his country. Watching him struggle the last few years has been heart breaking and humbling. He feels things so deeply and differently than most people I have come across. In the past three or four months we have begun the slow process of diagnosis and treatment for PTSD.
For those of you reading who don't understand what exactly PTSD is, I will try my best to explain it to you. PTSD is Post-traumatic Stress Disorder which by definition is a severe anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to any event that results in psychological trauma. This event may involve the threat of death to oneself or to someone else, or to one's own or someone else's physical, sexual, or psychological integrity, overwhelming the individual's ability to cope. As an effect of psychological trauma, PTSD is less frequent and more enduring than the more commonly seen acute stress response.
Diagnostic symptoms for PTSD include re-experiencing the original trauma through flashbacks or nightmares, avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma, and increased arousal - such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, anger, and hyper vigilance. Formal diagnostic criteria require that the symptoms last more than one month and cause significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
Our journey with PTSD began shortly after his return home. It started out simply as odd occurrences of him sitting up in the bed in the middle of the night stating that there was someone coming down the street. Then as the days passed we started noticing more and more manifestations that we didn't understand. He started having issues with things startling him into relapses of times when he was overseas.
Things came to a culmination a couple of months ago and after some arguments and tears he agreed to see someone and get some answers. Here we are a few months down the road and things are getting better slowly but surely. The medications the doctors have given him are working absolute wonders. We have been almost two months without a nightmare or a wandering dream where he talks and paces the house at all hours of the night.
Along with the medicine, he also sees a therapist ("the wizard" as Jon calls him) once, and even twice a week sometimes. They have been incredibly helpful and at times brutally honest with him. He smiles a lot more these days and is continuing to grow as himself and as a daddy and husband. God has been smiling down on our little family.
As of now, his team of doctors, are having us explore the possibility of a TBI as well. A TBI, Traumatic Brain Injury,is by definition happens when an external force traumatically injures the brain. TBI can be classified based on severity, mechanism (closed or penetrating head injury), or other features (e.g. occurring in a specific location or over a widespread area). Head injury usually refers to TBI, but is a broader category because it can involve damage to structures other than the brain, such as the scalp and skull.
Through liaisons with both the Wounded Warrior Regiment and the Navy Marine Corps Relief, we are slowly piecing the diagnoses and treatment plans together one by one. We say one day at a time, one step at a time, and take it as it comes.
We are still exploring outlets and possibilities for our whole family when it comes to coping and helping him cope with what he has been through. We can unsee or undo anything he has been through, but we can try our best to help him cope.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ME! I know I know. .awful picture. . What can I say about myself? I hit the floor running each morning and I fall into bed at a sprint at night. Between doctors appointments, trying to get through a certification, chasing two small kids, trying to keep up with the demands and needs of my family, and keeping up with this crazy life we have chosen, I rarely have two seconds to rub together.
My new mantra these past few months has been this:
I am only one person. I can only do so much. I don't understand everything and there are days when it takes all I can manage to get us through the day. I am tired and I am angry and I only have two arms. I am tired of over extending myself to help people when no effort is put into it in... return. I don't have any time to spare at present so don't waste mine.
As my sister likes to tell all the time.. ."Sister you have to let go and let God.". . Truer words have never been spoken. You have to turn it over to God and pray to understand his plan for your lives.
Watching Jon suffer alone all these years has ripped out my heart. As a wife, or a sister, or a parent, or a friend you just want to take away the hurt and make it better. The kids and I are lucky to have an amazing group of friends and medical staff to help us through this crazy ride.
Last week, after our useless trip to the VA Center in Richmond, we met with a Navy and Marine Corps Relief nurse to plot our path and gather our resources. The first step to solving a problem is admitting there is one. We have done that, or I should say Jon has done that.
Through this amazing nurse that they sent to us, the kids and I have found multiple resources to teach us to help each other and Jon. With these resources and the help of our amazing friends, we are dealing and we ARE thriving.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caleb. My little Bubba! It seems like just yesterday when I was fighting to bring him into this world. Little did I know that three years later he would be teaching me things about the world and myself that I never knew existed. He is bright and funny, caring, and has one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen.
He came into the world on the first day of June three years ago. He was 8lbs 5ozs and 21 inches long. He was small and beautiful and one of the biggest miracles to ever grace my life.
12 days ago my little man turned three. I cannot believe how much he has grown. At his 3 year wellness check, he weighed 40 pounds and was 3 foot 2 inches tall. We are finally getting down to the root of his problems with his allergies. All in all, most of his allergies are outdoors so taking him outside a lot of times is nearly impossible because of the ridiculously high pollen counts.
In a few days we are making the trek to the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, MD to see a pediatric cardiology specialist and have his heart murmur re-evaluated. It is still so easily detected that they want to rule out anything threatening. It is still so hard to believe that he is 3!
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Andrew. It hardly seems like a whole year has gone by already! It is almost like I blinked and he was walking and talking and having impromptu UFC matches with his brother. Every single day with both of these amazing little people in my life has been a complete and total blessing.
Four days ago I took Andrew to his 1 year well baby check up. My little monkey weighs 27 pounds and is 32 inches long. He learns and grows more and more every single day. He can identify each person in our little family as well as hi and bye.
He walks and toddles and opens and closes any and all drawers in our kitchen and pulls everything out. He is bright and fun and oh so happy all of the time.
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In parting I leave you with this thought. . .
They say that blood is thicker than water and that is a very true statement. But just because blood is thicker, doesn't mean that it alone is all it takes to make a family.
Families come in all shapes and sizes and from one side of the world or country to another. What truly makes you a family is the willingness of each member to go far and wide to help and support each other.
With the simplest of phone calls or quiet words, they come immediately with no questions asked every time a tear falls and hold you up when you want to fall. They aren't perfect or the same, but they are my family and we are so very lucky to have them.
As they say, until next time my loves
B
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