Nightmares

He is in every single one. I hate every second of it. I wish I could just shake it off and pretend that ugliness never touched my life. It throws me off balance all day.

The sad part is that it is only a fraction of the torment I see Jon go through. How excruciating to be stuck in the hell of your own mind and not be able to find a way out. For him it never goes away. It makes me positively ill, at least I can escape when I wake up.

Jon lives his over and over. So I listen quietly and patiently and I cry with him while he sleeps.

Some things though I wish I could un-know.


B

December 3, 2010

On December 3, 2010 we got the official word that the term Traumatic Brain Injury would forever be associated with the Painter family. We got the report back from the specialist that his injury was in fact a reality and no longer a hypothetical situation. Welcome to our life. Axis 3 injury in the frontal lobes. What it amounts to is the concussion from a blast hit him with enough force to bounce his brain off of the back of his skull. Think of it this way. You throw a ball at a wall, it bounces and stops in your hands. Essentially that is what happened.

Strangely it was a relief. It was official and entered into his record book and it was done. I didn't need a doctor to tell me what I as well as the rest of his team already knew. His symptoms were classic. Having the proof in our hands in empowering. He started cognitive and physical therapies last month.

I am proud. Of my husband, of my family who has rallied around to help, and of my amazing sons who are so in-tuned with their daddy that even they know when daddy needs a little help. My family is strong and solid and we will take this and deal with it as we do everything else. . .together.